They’re not crazy, maybe you just say and do stupid shit?
How many times have you been on a date with someone and they feel no type of way about telling you about their last ‘crazy ex.’ My G, do yourself a favour, make your excuses and dip. That MF is calling all of their exes crazy — and you will be next. People who perceive everyone as being their ‘crazy ex’ have a problem with their own inadequacies and shortcomings. It’s possible that perhaps the person they were last dating was irrational or toxic, but it’s also possible that they just say and do fucking stupid shit. The trope of the ‘crazy ex’ has been overplayed in a culture where we are all supposed to now be more aware of people who are struggling with their mental health. The trope is also heavily genderised so that more often than not, crazy ex is code for a crazy ex-girlfriend. Rachel Bloom cleverly explores this in her groundbreaking musical comedy series: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.
Not everyone is a crazy ex, but perhaps you the person dating them are a sociopath? Perhaps you gaslight and engineer situations so that they respond in a way that is perceived to be dramatic or attention seeking. Maybe you are the one who is emotionally and behaviourially retarded because you derive pleasure from playing games? Maybe you need to grow the fuck up and leave people alone who are not for you? I’ve seen stable, mature, emotionally strong men and women demonised for being a crazy ex, they crumble under the weight of their partner’s gaslighting games and fundamentally, its so not fucking necessary. Gaslighters are sociopaths. I said what I said. Dating recklessly and without due consideration for the other party’s emotional and mental health is a fuckshit move bruh/sis/gender non-binary person. There’s no excuse for it in today’s super informed, super connected world, we are constantly being told to look out for one another’s emotional and mental health as well as physical health. There’s a reason my man right here was prepared to take the hit of a £67,000 fine for refusing to close his gym in North London during Lockdown 2.0: physical, emotional, mental health are fucking important to people, and during a global pandemic and an enforced lockdown, people need a space to go to deal with whatever is going on in their heads. Not everyone goes to the gym for ‘gains’, some people go because the gym stops them from throat punching dumb MFs on the street.
This blog is about me dealing with my own toxicity which I’ve gone into in earlier stories, but I am not that toxic that I’ve ever driven anyone to irrational behaviour — unless that behaviour was already present within them. Earlier this year I dated someone whose anger and bluster was more than a bit concerning. He threatened to rob my house, chop my head off and some other fucking shit. My response was: you might want to think about going to your GP and asking for a mental health referral, because there’s clearly shit going on that only a qualified professional can help you with. To his credit, he reluctantly did seek out help, but by then I was already on the move and wished him well. I’m pretty sure I’ve been seen as the crazy -almost ex, because I do NOT fuck with disrespect, if I ask you a question, you better answer me appropriately. Just because in today’s dating culture, a lot of y’all are comfortable with ghosting and being ghosted doesn’t mean I am. A lot of you are uncomfortable with direct communication, whereas I drink that direct juice every fucking day. I’m also smart enough to dip before you dip on me, I will body anyone who tries to ghost on me, I will take being called a crazy whatever over being ghosted. Are you alright? Ghost me?
For recovering toxic assholes: be thorough in your investigations of yourself, can you confidently say that you’ve never gaslit an ex into behaving a certain way? Own this part of you and go work on it. For those of you who may have been demonised as the crazy ex, hun; that's not on you, its on them. You stay true to yourself and be bold in your communications, weak ass cowards find it easier to call everyone a crazy ex than face the fact that they just do and say stupid shit. The next time you date someone, pay close attention, any mention of a crazy ex is a giant red flag, thank them for their time and continue swiping because that MF is a toxic gaslighting asshole.
