Now what?
I’ve committed to doing things differently this year. After another uncomfortable day of the weight of the The Ghost’s ghosting, I did something which effected change. It’s been months of me feeling all sorts of things which I do NOT like feeling, and letting him off the hook. So, I called him.
To say I caught him off guard would be an understatement. He is the type of person who uses a lot of words… to say nothing. He immediately went into a disordered speech about his day and how his phone was broken and he might have caught Covid. This lasted about 5 minutes before I interjected through gritted teeth: ‘Land. The. Fucking. Plane.’
He paused and apologised. And then he apologised for the ghosting. His rambling explanation was cut short by me, because actually, I didn’t want to know why he did what he did; guess what dumbass: I already know.
He could argue that ‘it simply wasn’t that deep.’ I. Call. Shenanigans.
I could care less about why he ghosts, I definitely wanted him to know that I was disappointed. I think that surprised him. Usually ghosters expect fury, fire and brimstone. He once told me that he thought I was ‘terrifying.’ I’m not so terrifying in fact, its just that not everyone has the acuity to handle my feelings, or when I’m willing to be easy, or accommodating, so I double down on being terrifying, because a lot of you MFs fumble a good one like me. If you show me that you are not capable of handling me with care, I will give you something that you can only mishandle. I’ve been around people long enough to know that people’s behaviour — good or bad is on them and it has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with me. For me it was important that I let him know that I was disappointed in him, he can’t go through life treating people like they’re disposable and not expect God to spin the block for him too.
This is about me and me not letting people off the hook. The air’s been cleared and I doubt he’s processed the boldness of my move and holding him accountable for his actions could prove to be a good thing. But that’s for him to work out, I barely parent myself let alone anyone else. It was useful and good for me to observe how I handled the non-confrontational confrontation. 2019 Faz would have captured him, cut off his face and sewn it on to my face. 2022 Faz is measured, calm and concise. 2022 Faz knows that a lack of communication ruins a lot of good connections and relationships, instead of confronting them, we assume and fill in the gaps with information we don’t have. The ‘Ghost’ has been confronted with the knowledge that how he behaved hurt me. It’s possibly given him the opportunity to be a bit more emotionally mature, and in fairness to him; he didn’t attempt to argue or deflect his away out of accountability. He heard what I said.
Now what? Life is very very weird, things can change in the blink of an eye, but with the energy that I’m bringing to this year and being intentional with every single thing I do, I’m now leaving things to settle. I have my peace of mind, and he can choose to do whatever the hell he wants to do: pause, reflect and pattern up, or acknowledge it just as a minor inconvenience, and carry on living his life. My 2022 love language is if you keep a lot of bullshit going on, avoid me, I’m not your type. I’m less concerned about him than I am about me. I handled it without going backwards, and that to me is worthy of a toast.
