Bennifer Mark 2.0
Last week, a story broke that renewed my faith in love at second sight. I have always been suspish of love at first sight and couples who claim that they ‘just knew’ their person was ‘the one.’ First of all, the things you know at 21 are not the same things you know at 31, time changes you, perspectives shift. Distance and age eases us into changed mindsets, lifestyles, attitudes and what we are ready for. What compelled you to pick a person at 21 will not be the same thing that compels you pick a person at 41. We change, what we come to understand about ourselves, our wants and needs all change. Unless you’re a dummy and you’re an ignorant asshole.
Secondly, some things need a bit more time to ‘take.’ Like bread in the oven.
Some connections are like that. The timing is just ‘off’ when you first meet someone. Either you or they are not at the right place to form a meaningful, committed, honourable relationship. One or the other just isn’t ready. Outside shit can also throw your thing off. This was allegedly the reason why Bennifer1.0 didn’t work. They almost made it to the altar, before calling it off, blaming it on the excessive intrusion of the media and probably pop culture slags like us eager to lap up their romance and wedding. That was the story put out to the media. For those of us who have been in situationships and relationships with people who we just know aren’t ready or willing to show up for us the way we want: it’s just that: One or the other of us just aren’t ready. Pressure makes diamonds but pressure can also make things burst.
We all secretly applauded (well I did anyway), when Ben and J-Lo got back together. Would they stay the course this time? Would Ben’s unwillingness to curtail his whoring, drinking, bachelorness (before he met Jennifer G, he was a serial dater and hard drinker) derail things for a second time? And the answer is…..
A year after they started re-dating, marriage is back on for these guys. Who cares how many marriages and kids they have between them. What was meant to be is now happening. They’re both older, wiser and hotter. Stability, security and safety is all any of us really want in a committed relationship. Once all the lust and romance tips into ‘well what next’, it’s definitely stability, security and safety that we look for in a relationship. J-Lo claims Ben broke her heart, I can relate. It’s hard knowing that the person you adore is a few years behind you in EQ and maturity. And its harder still, knowing that holding on them will ruin it, so in order to let things breathe, you gotta let it go. Some love stories are like boomerangs, they come back harder and you can’t throw it back even if you try. Some never return. But Bennifer 2.0 is a boomerang that's come back harder. And it’s cute guys. C’mon, you gotta admit, a little part of you is rooting for these two to stay the course. It gives those of us who are in a romantic purgatory a bit of relief and trust in just letting things play out. There may be other people, marriages and even kids, but as the Italians say: al cuor non si comanda (I hope that’s right, Italians HMU).
Some people run at the hint of feelings because of whatever shit they got going on. Circumstances can fuck with a love story. But I have this belief that God is a HUGE romantic. He introduces us to people in the course of our lives through friends, or social interactions and stupid little dating apps. A lot of these people serve a quick purpose and don’t affect our feelings, but some, some of these MFs unexpectedly land in our hearts and don’t leave. We either go with it or sabotage it — out of fear, out of not being ready, not knowing what the fuck we’re doing. And God keeps them in our hearts, the ones who take up space, even in the distance, and no contact for months or years, their ‘squatting’ in our hearts is beyond our control or understanding, and all you can do is be patient and let it all play out.
